Starting everything off...

I wish I could start by saying that June 30th, 2020 was the day everything changed. But if I started there, I don’t think you would be able to fully understand. So we must start back a bit further…

From a young age, I had always wanted to become a mother. That was my ultimate dream job. To bring another life into this world. All of it amazed me. I don’t remember ever being afraid. I loved the idea of being pregnant, to be able to feel life forming and growing inside of me. To watch the changes and witness just how amazing the human body is. Nothing about the idea scared me. Not even labor. It all intrigued me, being able to feel all the pain, all the emotions of bringing that little one, that baby that I had grown, loved, felt, bonded with over the last 9 months into this amazing world. All of it excited me and I couldn’t wait for the chance to be able to be a part of something so magical.

In 2015, I met an amazing man, Dakota Paulick, and by 2017, I married him. I knew that Dakota was going to be an adorable dad and I was beyond ready to start into this next adventure with him. So, July 2019 is when we decided we were finally ready to start trying. I couldn’t believe that the time had finally arrived! I couldn’t wait to start this amazing journey! I made sure to track everything and kept hoping that those 2 little pink lines would appear.

When I think back to my experience becoming a mom, I honestly can't say that it is something that I can look back on and just smile. It honestly kind of terrifies me. Part of me feels as if I have PTSD from being pregnant, giving birth, and now the past 12 weeks I have spent being a mother. Everything has been so difficult and challenging. I want so much to feel happy about how everything turned out. To be able to look at my beautiful baby girl and know that in the end everything turned out fine because I ended up with a happy healthy baby. But that just isn't the truth for me. I feel like that phrase is part of the reason the stigma around moms with mental illness is so strong.

I truly hope that you will follow my journey and read as I share my whole story with an open heart and mind. I have added additional resources to my 'Contact' page for anyone who is battling with any motherhood mental illness. Please feel free to reach out to myself if you would like as well. I am truly hoping that this blog will not only help me by being brave and putting my story out into the world, but I hope it can help another mom feel like they aren't alone.

Thanks!

Jordyn Paulick